How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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