despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
