you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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