where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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