for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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