I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
