do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I didn't shave. On purpose
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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