her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
