I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
