This is not my ceiling
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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