we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
