I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
