You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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