I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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