I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
