Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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