he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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