Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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