I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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