I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
