It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
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Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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