I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
