Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
