I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize
