I'm so fucking centered right now
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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