Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
