ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
