If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
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