she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
