i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
