Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
19 People Did The Wildest Things When They Were Black-Out Drunk
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
21 Signs That A Dude is Probably Insane
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means