So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
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I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
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I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.