My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
