I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
20 People Confess What It’s Really Like To Live Under Sharia Law
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
They have beer where we have blood.