I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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