He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
