Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
