OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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