Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
