your parents love me but you hate me
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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