I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
