On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Be still, my beating vagina.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
