3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
