Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
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The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
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I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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