Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
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how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
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I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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