I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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