the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
