i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
You came to the right person.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.