He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.