remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize