I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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