woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
