I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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