Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
