: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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