I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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