I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
