Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Your topless pictures make me question reality
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
