No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
