Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
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