i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
