I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Randomize
